“And that’s why, you never chase a skunk” — George Bluth

3 Jul

Company LogoHey, everyone! Hope you’re all looking forward to a nice July 4th weekend! Before we take some time off and enjoy the holiday, we wanted to bring you another Stories with Tim edition. Without further ado:

One of Tim’s larger complexes had 10 courts and was not only used for sand volleyball, but also hosted special events quite often. Concerts, corporate parties, and even weddings were done there. Approximately 10 weddings a year would get done at this complex and Tim, being the owner of the complex, would usually host some of the Stag parties before the wedding.

At one particular Stag party, Tim, who had a class C liquor license as owner of the complex, was checking on the kegs to see that the party was well supplied. As fate would have it, the kegs were running low and Tim needed to go grab a new one. He and another fellow headed towards the back door of the complex for the supplies. Now, this was later in the evening and it was pretty dark, so it was not easy to see things well. So as they approached the back door, they noticed an animal rummaging around by a couple trash cans. As a man, I feel qualified to tell you that I know 3 things:

1.) Stag parties are known to increase the flow of testosterone through the body.

2.) Alcohol is known to lessen inhibitions.

3.) Men don’t always think through what they’re doing right away.

4.) When the above 3 things are combined, you usually get to witness spectacles more dazzling than the Aurora Borealis or a solar eclipse.

5.) I don’t count very well.

Given the above facts, the other fellow made the completely logical choice to start chasing the animal! The animal started fleeing away, but this gentleman managed to push it towards Tim, who was watching with amusement.  The animal pulled close to Tim and, feeling trapped, started stomping it’s legs and raising its tail. If you know what this means, you realize the imminent danger that Tim’s soul was in at this moment. If you don’t know what this means, you’ve obviously never dealt with skunks before.

The hunted became the hunter.

Tim was facing what he now realized was a skunk! Tim, with a grace that can only be described if one imagines the nimbleness of a ballerina combined with the resourcefulness of Jason Bourne, opened the back door, leaped in, and slammed it shut as a spray of pure evil came towards him. Thankfully, he got it closed in time and so made sure that the McCormack name would live on one more day!
As he breathed heavily against the door, he heard the other fellow scream in terror. He has never been seen or heard from again. Sometimes, on dark nights at volleyball complexes, you can still see a shadow of man eternally being chased by a skunk with its tail raised.

This also reminds me of a saying my grandpa told me one time. He looked at me straight in the eye and said, “Son, do you know what the difference between a skunk and a squirrel is?” I, being 4 or 5 at the time, had no idea and so shook my head. I’ll never forget his answer. He replied, “The difference between a skunk and a squirrel is that by the time you can tell the difference you’re already in trouble if it’s a skunk.” This was promptly followed by him falling asleep in his recliner. I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our grandpa give us life-altering anecdotes only to fall asleep right away.

Th-th-th-that’s all folks! Have a safe weekend!

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